As people, we are emotional beings. As a higher species we are also arrogant, self important sons of bitches and can screw up a good thing at a moments notice.

My personality is such that I am a ‘fixer’ and a ‘rescuer’. If something is broken and I can do something to make it work, I’m going to jump in and get my hands dirty. If there is someone that needs to be rescued, I’m the go-to. I root for the underdog, would abandon caution to save a child from being harmed, and am hell bent on resolution.

The problem is that not everyone wants to be ‘fixed’. They are happy living a secret life and they don’t want my help. One person in particular is quite scurrilous and his real friends have never seen his dark side. I really want to help this person, but don’t have the ‘head knowledge’ or foresight on where to begin. I really want to rescue him from himself.

I am hard headed. I know this. But when something is bothering someone close to me (ahem…spouse) and that person will not respond or accept help, it makes me dig in.

And this is where the problem really lives.

I know that I need a softer approach. I know that whatever the situation involves, it does not need a shiny coat of silver. I know that at a certain point, I need to back off.

The problem with theory versus reality is not a lack of empathy on my part, the problem is with the other person being intellectually dishonest and avoiding ‘having the conversation’.

It isn’t always easy but if a relationship is to survive then both parties need to apply common sense, ignore emotion and actually listen to the other person.

In theory, the other person will want to make the same type of positive moves forward.

In reality, if the other person is hiding something, the relationship is stalled and cannot move forward until they allow honesty and humility into the picture.